A New Definition of Relationship
April 3rd, 2008 by admin
Yesterday’s post prompted a lively email discussion among a group of young professional women on what “worth” really means. They forwarded the string to me. They concluded that “dating down” was a dumb 50’s concept. “It’s about the person not their checkbook.” Their partners may make less money, but give a whole lot more emotionally. Is there a cultural revolution going on that is redefining healthy relationships?
In my doctoral research, I found this is true with the current generation of high-achieving women. They don’t need men to take care of them. Now, they are looking for a real partner. Someone who will share the responsibilities at home and won’t get his ego tied up in a knot over it. A man who gives her space to go after the success she desires. When she comes home, he is her cheerleader and “knight” who loves having a queen in the house. This man shows emotional depth and strength.
I am in one of these relationships.
After two long-term relationships with degreed, professional men, I am happily partnered with a man where I make more money, have four more degrees, and I travel all over the world while he takes care of the home and cat (he travels with me sometimes). He loves me when I’m jet-lagged, honors my work and dreams, challenges me to be more, plays with me, and buys me flowers. He is my knight. The relationship is wonderful.
So I wonder, are men asked if they date down? The concept is an insult to my partner as well as to myself. It’s time our society redefines what is a solid, loving relationship that supports both men and women.
Do you agree? Please post your thoughts and comments.
I think “dating down” is much easier for women who are empty nesters. Once the kids are out of the house time and money management issues lessen. Our partner has less responsibility to take care of the entire family and can enjoy attending to the woman in his/her life. Our partner may not feel as inclined to compete with us since we are further along in our career and have achieved financial security.
Interesting concept. My research proved that the women in between 29 and 45 are more inclined to “date down” because they think it is much easier to have an emotional partner than a financial provider. This might only be the high achievers who are succeeding well on their own. It would be interesting to research this further.
Dating “down”, dating “up”………. I would be happy with a man in either direction as long as he understood and appreciated what I have and bring to a relationship table. I am single (divorcing), successful, educated, cultured, nurturing, fun loving, and I only ask for one leg in the set of the proverbial “pants”. I have no children, except the furry kind. I have trouble finding a man around my age (up or down 5 years is my range) who wants a family, or more kids if they have them already, and is comfortable with a strong woman. If they are comfortable with me, they want me to financially support them, which is not what I had in mind.
I want the relationship described above, but in LA I have not been able to find it and I have lived here my entire life. I know I am not alone as I know others who are in the same boat. The question is……..How do we find the mate we are looking for?