Who is Chasing You?
Recently, a coach told me that my parents abused me.
She didn’t mean I was physically abused. She didn’t mean I was psychologically abused through demeaning words or behavior.
She said I was abused because the my parents gave me their love on a conditional basis. The condition was that I would excel at everything I do.
Now I do believe my parents loved me. However, after a long debate, I opened up to understand her perspective.
In their attempt to help me have the best opportunities in my life, especially as a woman, they failed to show me that they loved me, including what wasn’t perfect in what I did and what was beautiful in who I was. I’m not even sure I could define who I am apart from my accomplishments until I was an adult.
I intellectually understand this, and can emotionally forgive them. Yet psychology, I wonder if this is still the reason I struggle to relax and to let myself have mindless fun, other than to go to the movies where I can be distracted.
I often say that I have to “take myself out” to chill out, meaning I have to go to the mountains or to some other remote location, which could be as far away as Africa, before I will disconnect from my work and my email.
A psychic once asked me, “Who is chasing you?” She saw me like a little hamster on a wheel with no end in sight.
I am grateful for my partner, Karl, who helps me let go and just be. He is definitely a light at the end of my daily tunnel.
So I have this awareness. I am taking steps to be softer and to slow down to be more present in the glorious moments of my life. Do you have any suggestions to share? I would love for you to post what you do to cast off your burden of greatness.
Thank you Dr Reynolds for sharing your experiences with us. Greatness can truly be a burden. Some of my male friends have treated me as abnormal, wondering why I can’t be “more feminine.” But I have come to see that those of us in the “Greatness Category” must learn to accept ourselves as we are.
We were made this way to enable us fulfil our lives’ purposes. Accepting this helps me to relax and enjoy who I am. This way, greatness stops being a burden and becomes a privileged responsibility. I have also learnt to be kinder and more tolerant of the not-so-vibrant species of humans. And to take each day at a time. It’s been said that today’s troubles are enough for today.
Ultimately, I have learnt to rely on a higher power, God. If He made me who I am, for His purpose, then I can count on Him to work my life out. It’s not up to me, it’s up to The One who said, “Cast your burdens on me, for I care for you.”
Hi Dr. Reynolds,
Your posting really resonated with me. I have many clients who are running like a hamster on a treadmill. Many who have dreams but are afraid to reach high. And many who take out their frustration on their children, driving them like a slave master, to be more, better, which is the same as saying, you’re not good enough unless…..
I am finally living my dreams, as I have left a bad marriage, a non-lucrative career, and moved into a new home all in one year. I love being a coach and making a difference in people’s lives. I think that being fully expressed is how I feel most fulfilled, and my life slows down when I am expressing myself through my art and writing and of course through my coaching.
I look forward to future posting!
You’ve inspired me to start a blog…
best,
Sandy
Dr. Reynolds, I love the question “Who Is Chasing You?” It reminds me of a quote by actress Lily Tomlin: “For fast acting relief, slow down.”
That’s what I do to get more done. Instead of worrying about time, I focus on my 3 most critical priorities – one at a time. That way I make progress on what is essential. This keeps my day and any progress I achieve from becoming a blur. It gives me a real sense of satisfaction.
Hi Marcia,
It takes courage to be willing to look honestly at what has led us to be who we are … and then to share these insights.
I have a question for you now that you have gained the insight into why you struggle to relax.
Why are you not choosing to just let all that go? It doesn’t have to be a long drawn out process of taking steps towards what you want for yourself. You’ve done the hardest part which is gaining the awareness and understanding. So now it’s a simple choice.
We still tend to buy into the story that change has to be a struggle that can only happen in steps. Not any more!
I’ve coached many people around this and have seen time and time again the light bulb go on when they realise they are being given permission to just take that step there and then – once and for all – no going back. No long drawn out work to do.
I love it, it’s a privilege to share those moments – and to hear how their life has been transformed as a result.
All best wishes from the other side of the pond,
Lynne
Why don’t I let go. The truth is, I have an emotional attachment to working to much. I love my work and I am most happy when I see the results. As long as I take care of my health, am present in my relationships and “take myself out” once in a while, then I am fine with my choice. My work is my hobby, my passion, my lover and my friend. The payoff for “letting go” is not great enough for me. As long as I know this is why I do it, not for anyone else but me, and the people whose lives I touch, then I think being out of balance is okay.
My fellow on Facebook shared this link and I’m not dissapointed that I came here.