I mean, say you have earned your first million dollars. There will always be someone who have a billion dollars. Which means, I have to beat that guy in dollar wealth. How else can I say I have done my best? I can’t.

With love, this is my hardest area. Everyone seems to have people love them with no real effort. Personally I don’t understand how they do it and hence I feel resentment and feel a need to beat those who have it that easy. Even though there surely is someone who loves me, I still ain’t satisfied with that. I always need even more beautiful and important people to love me. It isn’t enough with just mediocre looking people or people with no real power in society.

The same with sex, I have been with drop dead gorgeous ladies, but still I can’t understand why I am seeking for more in this area. I have already conquered what other guys still think is an impossibility. And I am a normal looking guy.

My own looks, I always admire guys who seem to have no appearant problem with their facial skin. I resent people who look better than me. So I use every means necessary to look good. Appearance wise and clothing wise.

It is a sickness. We can all agree to this. It is crazy behaviour. But for people like me, this is a struggle we can’t remove. I have tried all this “abundance” mentality thing, but I always fall back into my old ways of being cynical and resenting against all those who seem to have more than me and who is loved by more people than me, who is more content with “what is” than me etc.

There are always things to resent and things to beat. My life, and I am sure other high achievers can relate, is a game of constant competition. There can be only one. One man on the top. The best of the best.