Take Time To Gloat
When was the last time you were so happy with yourself or your work that you walked around with a smile all day?
I found in my research that high-achieving women tend to enjoy their victories, but only for a moment. They may dance a jig, call their friends or even fall to the ground full of gratitude and bliss. They celebrate well, but it doesn’t last. All too soon, they are on to the next challenge. There is always more to do and more barriers to break down. They don’t sport their smiling satisfaction for too long.
If you are a momentary celebrator, you are missing an opportunity to benefit from your pride. Researchers at Northeastern University found that people who feel proud make great team leaders. “The experience of pride can be very socially adaptive,” says Laura Williams, the study’s lead author. Their researchers found that when put in teams, the people who had just completed a task they excelled at were more dominant and likable than the other participants. People tended to follow their lead. The overall experience was positive.
It is good to feel good about yourself, which makes you smile a lot and carry yourself with confidence. Pride is a social lubricant. Therefore, the next time you complete a great accomplishment or you are rewarded for your ideas, take time to gloat. Carry your pride with you. Your joy will lighten up the spirit of those around you.
Marcia – I enjoy seeing people feel good about themselves when they have accomplished tasks. But I have a real issue when this gloating becomes arrogance.
The research did say that we have to watch out not to slip into thinking we are better than anyone else. We should be happy for our wins without falling into narcissistic diatribes or holding our wins over the heads of losers…but none of us would do that, right?!?
I agree with Karl, and struggle with my conditioning that it’s “not good” to strut your stuff. There definitely is a difference between feeling happy for ourselves and the need to feel superior. So in my uncertainty I tend to underplay my victories – also because people are often not particularly interested in them, perhaps due to their own self-insecurity issues.
I guess the distinction here is the demonstration of pride as an emotion versus pride as an action (and conversation about “me.”) Sounds like a good post for the future.
Great article and really good comments. I always keep the distinction between humility and pride as follows: Humility is having the confidence to know & say “I am..” and “I have accomplished…”. With Humility you always know other can be and do the things you are and do. Whereas Pride is when you start saying “I am …and it’s better than …”; you start looking down on others. Humility is always rooted in confidence and pride is rooted in insecurity.
I wonder if you can have both…pride and humility? According to my neuro research, humility is more about suppressing. Pride has positive effects on the brain. If you are confident, then pride is an internal reaction associated with satisfaction and joy. If you are not confident, then pride can slip into an external demonstration of superiority (a lack of confidence leads to comparison and people being either superior or inferior). So I would put pride back on the positive scale and hope it is partnered with and helps to build real confidence.