Stopping the leak of power
There was a great scene in Grey’s Anatomy last night that I thought characterized the changes many women are experiencing. With no real guidance, and under the threat of losing love, we are starting to say “NO” to giving ourselves away, including our power, our energy, and our passion. Yet, this isn’t easy.
The scene focused on Christina Yang telling her boyfriend about her near-marriage experience. She described her relationship as a process of giving herself away to him, piece by piece. In tears, she says to her current lover, “That will never happen again.”
With little guidance, we are starting to figure out how to say no to giving ourselves away and molding our lives into what others want for us. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always feel good. We may loose people and jobs we love in the process. Hopefully, we then come to love ourselves.
Marcia, love this post and the video clip from Grey’s….
This issue is SO huge in my life and I know for many other women. Why does it take us so long to “get it”?
It is amazing how strong our conditioning is to please others…
And how difficult it can be to see clearly just who we are.
where is the 2 minute video???
The link is http://abc.go.com/watch/clip/greys-anatomy/SH007322830000/16493/250281?&clipId=250281&playlistId=16493
There is a short commercial first.
Suzanne, you are so right. We have such difficulty actually seeing how we give ourselves away until after we have done it. Even our overachieving habits include unreasonable sacrifice. We have to support each other with this awareness.
It almost appears that there is a cosmic awaking of women saying…”Where did I go before? I am back now and I will not be going away again!” The journey back…while painful…ends up in the light! At least that is what I am finding.
Yes, it’s an awakening and a wonderful evolution.
Wow, poignant clip and how great that you are able to post it for us – great use of technology! The clip scared me into wanting to make sure I do not do this to anyone myself. I think women may be just as capable of trying to force change or taking bits and pieces from their partners. Just food for thought.
Yes M Myers, women are likely just as capable of this with men (who let them), yet I fear regardless of our gender, it is a prevalent issue (admittedly one that hit me over the head years ago that still reveals moments of testing). Yet what growth opportunity when it is recognized today – the choice it gives us to do something with our self revelations.
Marcia – thank you soooo much. This is a wonderful visual that explains this dilemma so well. I can’t wait to see your book as you always target such genius otherwise so rarely uncovered!
Mo Bailey
The dark side of “give and take” and compromise in any relationship is giving away pieces of yourself. Sometimes these differences are difficult to weigh – particularly until the consequences come to the fore. What is not shown in that clip, but was a prelude to it during the show is an important piece. In this case, Yang was weighing the balance between staying in an intimacy in bed with her man at his bidding, as her pager was going off alerting her to her responsibilities in her work as a doctor on call. Yang reluctantly choose to stay with her man, not very successfully ignoring the page. Later, when she was reprimanded by her superior, the consequences were heavily upon her; and as her lover witnessed the verbal exchange between the two women and came to her “rescue” by taking responsibility for her actions – only making things worse for Yang. As was shown in the clip, it was right for her to tell him squarely, that she had essentially compromised more than she was in integrity with doing and she cannot do that for him – moreover for the sake of her own self respect and love. However, to expect to never give away a piece of yourself in any relationship isn’t the nature of relationship in reality. Sacrifice will be called for, but to what level is the boundary.
Wise words my friend. It is a fine line to weigh that is often difficult in the moment when emotions trump logic. Thank you sharing the bigger picture and the truth.