“Where they burn books, so too will they in the end burn human beings.”

German poet Heinrich Heine wrote these words in 1821 referring to the burning of the Muslim holy book, the Qur’an, during the Spanish Inquisition. Heine’s books were later burned by the Nazis because he was a Jew.

When I heard about the book burning planned next Saturday in the small church in Florida, I had to write something. I even imagined myself flying there and standing on the spot they intend to do the burning.

I intellectually understand the right to spout off words of hate in the name of free speech. I emotionally cannot fathom burning things that are dear to people to prove a point.

I travel extensively outside of our country. Our image has been tarnished for years. We are not seen as the greatest country anymore. Besides hurting our reputation, this image hurts our pocket books. We cannot afford being arrogant anymore.

When I listen to the news, I rarely hear the voice of good sense come forward. In my own state, Arizona, no one seems to be standing up to the hate-mongering going on in our government, not even the current Democratic candidate who seems to be hiding out on Facebook and in safe home parties.

This week starts the Jewish New Year. This book burning, which might as well include the Old Testament along with the Qur’an (I heard the pastor say that he was most offended that the book does not recognize Jesus as the son of God), feels like a violation more than an expression of values.

When I think about the growing anger and divisiveness in my community and country, I feel helpless. Is there any way we can begin this new year in on a different note? Please join me in doing whatever you can to shift the consciousness back to honoring each other for the beauty in our differences instead of attacking each other and focusing on the worst of stereotypes for any given group.

I believe religious book burning is Anti-American. When does free speech become a violation?

I was recently asked by a reporter, “Why do women sabotage each other?” I have experienced some women who betrayed my trust. I have experienced many more women, including strangers, who were willing to help the moment I asked them. Many even helped when I didn’t ask.

Two strange women approached me in the train station in Milan, Italy. I had taken a train from the mountains in Switzerland hoping to get to Florence. The route had me changing trains four times where I had to climb up and down stairs hauling two huge pieces of luggage while trying to decipher signs in a language I could not read. I missed one connection, got thrown off of first-class on another (I had no idea which car to board) and ended up in Milan feeling lost and alone.

As I stood on the platform trying to figure out what train to take through the tears welling in my eyes, two women sandwiched me and forced me to walk to a food kiosk. Before I could scream, one said, “Don’t be such an easy target.”

The other asked me where I was going. When I told her, she located the train I was supposed to take and explained what I needed to do to exchange my ticket for a new one.

When I finally caught my breath, they told me that any woman traveling alone carrying huge suitcases, a big purse and a look of confusion would quickly lose something important to them. I should be more careful with my belongings and stand more confidently when I stopped to regroup.

Who says women don’t help each other? Let’s tell more stories about how we do support each other so people will stop saying we don’t.

I liked the movie. I felt the lead character represented the most common reason I found in my research why women wander: they don’t know who they are and what they want.

The problem is that they spend many years leaving what they don’t want anymore (physically or mentally) without having a clear picture of what they do want.

Even if they had a clear idea of what they wanted for their lives, at some point, they forget. Here’s a story of a woman I coached who felt overwhelmed at work. What we discovered was that she didn’t have a problem prioritizing; she had a problem feeling inspired by her work because she didn’t know why she was there.

As in the case with my client, sometimes reviving an old dream can give you back your North Star .

Sometimes you have to crystallize the picture of your new dream—what would a perfect day at work or in your relationship look like?

Sometimes the picture isn’t ready to come forth, but you can discover what gives you a sense of purpose in your life and do what it takes to have this experience more often. Look at your day and determine what you are doing only because you should. Then look at what you are doing because you want to do it.

Once you begin to understand what you want to create for yourself, ask yourself:

1. What can I start doing today to ease my transition?
2. What about my new life can I begin to integrate into my current work and life?
3. Who can I ask to support me in making my transition?
4. What do I need to do to stay committed to my choices?

Although the notion of taking a year off and living in Italy, India and Bali to discover myself sounds delightful, I learned what I’m sharing with you sitting at my desk and sometimes wandering into the mountains at the end of my road. I hope this helps you figure out the road you want to be on before you take too many unfulfilling detours.

If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I’d want to pass along to others…

In our Twitter-crazed, attention-deficit world, 500 words could get lost. Here’s my challenge to you–if you were given one chance to share 250 words or less with the world, what would you say? What piece of wisdom do you hold that if you shared it, it could make a difference? What have you experienced that could yield a great lesson for others?

I had lots of ideas. This is what I came up with today:

I don’t know who first said these words, but the advice is, “Take your work seriously but take yourself lightly.” As an achievement-driven woman, I have often lost my sense of self to my work. My identity then gets wrapped up in the applause I’m hoping to get for the brilliant work I put out. This leaves me vulnerable to judgment; I rely on others to tell me that I’m important. I am only happy when I feel seen.

Although we humans like to feel seen, heard and recognized, this is a never-ending exhausting pursuit. You can’t see what makes you feel incredible in the present. You can’t truly appreciate the fruits of your efforts regardless of what your critics say.

I want for you to take yourself lightly even as you work with passion and intensity. When you are overwhelmed with work or worried about the future, can you stop and be gentle with yourself? Can you laugh at your big fat dreams as much as you hope they will come true?

Step back and be your own guardian angel. What would she want you to feel right now? Learn how to hear this lighter voice, the one that is often overshadowed by the voices that push you to do more.

You can do more. And you can enjoy the journey in the process. When you balance your passion with a “lightness of being” you can remember what is most important to you no matter what people say.

What about you? What words would you like to leave behind if you were to leave the planet today? Share them here. And share what doors this exercise opened for you.

Last week, hidden in the middle of the links to my blog, to Huffington post feeds, and some Twitter comments was the link to the guest-book honoring the death of Marcia Reynolds.

My body froze, eyes stuck to the page. How weird is that? I clicked on the link, both curious to find out who she was and to make sure it wasn’t me they were eulogizing.

This Marcia Reynolds was 84 when she passed. I let out a breath, probably the first in since I read my name.

Someone wrote, “Marcia was the most beautiful woman and soul I have ever known. I will miss her the rest of my life.”

I clicked through my mental Rolodex to see if there is anyone who would write this about me other than the man I live with. I know people will acknowledge my passion, the effect of my work on others, my commitment to my purpose, and so on. Do people see me beyond my work?

Or a better question is, “Do I allow people to see me beyond my work? Do I take the time to sit with the people who I think are beautiful souls for no other reason than to linger in the luscious moment of connection?”

I wrote myself a note to think about this when I had time.

Two days later, another Marcia Reynolds died. Is this a slap on the side of the head or what? I know the universe doesn’t revolve around me, but I am going to take this as a sign anyway.

I am going to hike with a girlfriend tomorrow morning and hang out in a cabana by a resort pool with another friend in the afternoon. I have deadlines. So what. I am a high-achiever. They will get done. But it has been a while since I looked deeply into the eyes of my beautiful friends.

Maybe next on the list will be to give myself time to know myself better away from my work as well.

How will you live up to what you want people to say about you when you die?

1. We are intelligent beings astute at creating excuses for not remembering what we know.
2. Every human is an artist. We create our lives every day. We are angry, depressed and frustrated when we think we can’t create. Instead of striving to end your suffering, what will shift you into feeling creative?
3. Truth exists with or without us. We don’t create it; we see it when we choose to clear away the fog of fear and the superstitions someone told us to believe. Then open your heart with love before you ask the question, “What do I know to be true, really?”
4. Change who you believe you are and your world and the story you tell about it changes.
5. We should not tell other people what their story should be. Instead, inspire them to be their own beautiful story.
6. Your physical body is a biological machine. It gets sick, it breaks down, it is attacked by viruses and bacteria and it eventually dies. The only thing you are responsible for is to stay as healthy as you can. You did not attract and are not responsible for everything else that happens by nature. But remember… What happens in your body is truth. How you deal with it—what happens in your mind—is choice.
7. The best you can do in relationships is to respect others and do not tell lies. This goes for how parents should relate to their children as well.
8. Celebrate life. Your heart is drumming in this celebration. Let your mind sing in harmony to the beat.
9. Do not mourn death. If you are around someone dying, they will most likely ask you to stay happy and appreciate the life you have. Honor their request.

And my favorite insight from the day…

10. As a coach and teacher, I am responsible for what I tell you. I am not responsible for what you understand.

You may have heard most of these pearls from someone along the way. Yet, as don Miguel said, we brilliantly forget what we know. So when your intelligent brain works against you, what will you do to remember?

Please post here the bits of wisdom you have heard or read that you love and what you do to remember to live by them.

I look forward to reading your comments and your stories, too.

I wish this weekend to be a celebration for all women who birth, whether babies or grand ideas, and all of you who nurture others to realize their amazing potential.

Marcia

Iams, the pet food company, found that 91 percent of customers answering a survey admitted whispering those three little words to their furry friends.

When going through difficult times in my last relationship, I remember talking to my partner through the cat. I would say thing like, “Mr. Peeper says we never eat together anymore.” He would reply, “Tell Mr. Peeper that you are never home to eat with him.”

I am a woman with three advanced degrees in communications and psychology, yet I still struggle at times using direct communications with those I most love. Fortunately, I am not speaking through my cat in my current relationship, so I am improving. Yet I probably do tell Mooch I love him more often than I tell my partner even though I am very affectionate.

Pets can help fill in the companionship that might be missing in our lives. Yet if we have a chance to strengthen our human relationships with deep conversations and frequent shows of affection, shouldn’t we commit more of our time to this?

Don’t get so busy or let conflicts in your relationships fester to the point that you aren’t connecting on a regular basis.

After reading the Iams survey results, I am committing to look my partner in the eyes and tell him I love him more often. How about you?

What’s the point? We sometimes hide things from those we love because we are afraid they won’t love us if they find out, or worse, they will laugh at us which could crush our vulnerable dreams.

Yet each secret we conceal chips away at the veracity of our relationships, and could eventually damage the trust that is the glue of our connection. Glenn Whipp, reviewer for the Los Angeles Times, said the movie “…does contain a fundamental understanding of the rot that sets in when people hide their true selves from the ones they love.”

Fortunately, the rot in the relationships was fodder for a very funny script and great character acting, especially by the lead character, Vince Rizzo, played by Andy Garcia.

City Island Wisdom:

• The only way to grow and truly understand love and intimacy is to face the lies you’ve told about your past so you can totally be yourself in the present. If you withhold secrets from your family and friends, you take a piece of yourself out of the relationship. This includes the difficult messages we sometimes have to give. The truth may hurt, but guilt is more damaging in the long-run.

• The truth is easier to live with than keeping track of the white lies we tell. Yes, sometimes we tell meaningless white lies to preserve someone’s ego. Clearly state the justification for your white lie, and then ask yourself if this is a rationalization to cover your fear of telling the truth.

• God busts us, and then gives us another chance. This line came in at the end of the movie when all lies, and truths, were revealed. No matter what we do with good intention, our lies, misdeeds, cover-ups, lazy or spineless choices have a way of bubbling up to the surface and giving us a chance to make amends. Some call this Karma. Others call it “make your bed, now sleep in it.” Yet life does serve up second, third and more chances to do the right thing. If you learned all the lessons you could, would you still be here?

• Forgiveness leads to a quick, happy ending. Yes, the movie ended with a group hug. But it was charming nonetheless. Grudges serve no one. Compassion and love deserve applause.

Go see the movie. Then share your City Island wisdom here.

I want to share with you my experience touring the new Musical Instruments Museum in Phoenix, Arizona. It is the world’s first museum to display instruments from around the world–over 10,000–with video clips at each station showing locals playing their music.

There is a rich diversity of sound. Yet the museum brings all cultures together as you experience something common to us all–people sharing their stories, their passions and their expression of life through music.

The slogan of the museum is, “Music is the language of the soul.” No matter what language we speak, we can come to honor each other through singing, dancing and appreciating the glorious sounds we make.

Three things stood out to me:

1. Music is a way we share our stories. Lyrics inform us of the past, instruct us about the present, and help us dream about the future. Music is also a great avenue for people to mock what they feel is wrong with their world. We can learn so much about others by listening to their music.

2. Dancing seems to be a human trait. I know some religions do not allow dancing. I think this is a shame. I loved watching the videos of people dancing to their music around the world, whether in ritual or play. Dancing is a part of this global language of the soul.

3. Music touches us on a deep level, affecting our emotions and attitudes. I know this to be true from my studies on the brain. Music can heal, help us learn, and take us away from our daily worries. It also enhances every experience, even while shopping.

Don’t be too busy today to listen to some music even if it is in the background while you work. If you have a special piece that touches your soul, please share it here.