If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I’d want to pass along to others…

In our Twitter-crazed, attention-deficit world, 500 words could get lost. Here’s my challenge to you–if you were given one chance to share 250 words or less with the world, what would you say? What piece of wisdom do you hold that if you shared it, it could make a difference? What have you experienced that could yield a great lesson for others?

I had lots of ideas. This is what I came up with today:

I don’t know who first said these words, but the advice is, “Take your work seriously but take yourself lightly.” As an achievement-driven woman, I have often lost my sense of self to my work. My identity then gets wrapped up in the applause I’m hoping to get for the brilliant work I put out. This leaves me vulnerable to judgment; I rely on others to tell me that I’m important. I am only happy when I feel seen.

Although we humans like to feel seen, heard and recognized, this is a never-ending exhausting pursuit. You can’t see what makes you feel incredible in the present. You can’t truly appreciate the fruits of your efforts regardless of what your critics say.

I want for you to take yourself lightly even as you work with passion and intensity. When you are overwhelmed with work or worried about the future, can you stop and be gentle with yourself? Can you laugh at your big fat dreams as much as you hope they will come true?

Step back and be your own guardian angel. What would she want you to feel right now? Learn how to hear this lighter voice, the one that is often overshadowed by the voices that push you to do more.

You can do more. And you can enjoy the journey in the process. When you balance your passion with a “lightness of being” you can remember what is most important to you no matter what people say.

What about you? What words would you like to leave behind if you were to leave the planet today? Share them here. And share what doors this exercise opened for you.

Last week, hidden in the middle of the links to my blog, to Huffington post feeds, and some Twitter comments was the link to the guest-book honoring the death of Marcia Reynolds.

My body froze, eyes stuck to the page. How weird is that? I clicked on the link, both curious to find out who she was and to make sure it wasn’t me they were eulogizing.

This Marcia Reynolds was 84 when she passed. I let out a breath, probably the first in since I read my name.

Someone wrote, “Marcia was the most beautiful woman and soul I have ever known. I will miss her the rest of my life.”

I clicked through my mental Rolodex to see if there is anyone who would write this about me other than the man I live with. I know people will acknowledge my passion, the effect of my work on others, my commitment to my purpose, and so on. Do people see me beyond my work?

Or a better question is, “Do I allow people to see me beyond my work? Do I take the time to sit with the people who I think are beautiful souls for no other reason than to linger in the luscious moment of connection?”

I wrote myself a note to think about this when I had time.

Two days later, another Marcia Reynolds died. Is this a slap on the side of the head or what? I know the universe doesn’t revolve around me, but I am going to take this as a sign anyway.

I am going to hike with a girlfriend tomorrow morning and hang out in a cabana by a resort pool with another friend in the afternoon. I have deadlines. So what. I am a high-achiever. They will get done. But it has been a while since I looked deeply into the eyes of my beautiful friends.

Maybe next on the list will be to give myself time to know myself better away from my work as well.

How will you live up to what you want people to say about you when you die?

When you read these words, don’t they seem a little silly? Who knows what will happen tomorrow? And just when you think we have everything under control, something unexpected happens, right?

So you are most stressed out by two things that you can’t have: control and predictability.

What’s worse is that the more financially successful you are, the more fear you will lose what you have. This includes your status, possessions, relationships, and dreams.

Throughout my coaching career, I’ve had many clients who came to me at a very successful stage in their lives, at least from outward appearances. They had made a lot of money, they liked their work, they had supportive and healthy relationships and they had no serious health problems.

However, they vacillated between feeling angry or anxious throughout the day. Why were they unable to enjoy their achievements?

I found two areas missing in their lives: 1) the ability to enjoy the moment and let the future play itself out as it may and 2) goals based on “who” they are instead of what they acquire so they could find purpose in their being instead of their doing.

Whether you are just starting to see gains in your life or you have a long tally of goals you have achieved, the following tips will help you maintain the feeling of mastery over your destiny.

TIP #1: Recognize that the more you try to hold on to what you have today, the greater is your stress. Ask yourself each morning, “What is at stake today, really?” Then ask, “If anything is at stake, what can I do to make today’s story turn out well?” Quit focusing on what you might lose or what the end result might be. Focus on living a wonderful story every moment and you’ll feel a sense of freedom like never before. Then….

TIP #2: Trust that whatever happens, things will always work out because they always do. It is impossible to perfectly handle everything. Accidents happen. Misunderstandings occur. To err is human. However, catastrophes are rare. Up to now, you have handled difficulties, pain, and crisis well enough to be where you are today. Trust that if problems occur, you have the skills and wisdom to deal with them. Then shift your thoughts to what you are grateful for.

TIP #3: If your entire life is focused on achieving external goals, you will feel empty once you reach them. However, if instead you focus on how successful you can be as a human, you will never run out of things to work on. Make a list of what makes you a worthy friend, partner, and parent. Add to the list the special gifts you possess that helped you to realize the successes, large and small, in your life.

Once you have your list, tell yourself, “My only responsibility is to maximize my positive traits, talents, and gifts.” Whenever you feel a little unsure or powerless, read your list and recite the statement above. What would your life be like if the only decision you had to make was how you can contribute to your world based on your talents, traits, and gifts?

In my new book, Wander Woman, I say, “The illusions you live by set you up for the inevitable disillusions you experience.” It is an illusion to think you will know exactly what will happen or be in total control. The best you can do is let go of grasping at thin air. When you do, you will know freedom. And you will better see what a beautiful life you have.

The problem is that in the last three years, as their members scramble to get business and survive, they lose touch with broader more theoretical missions of their organizations.

What about you?

• Have you upheld the message of your mission (and can you articulate what this message is–if not, read my Huffington Post article on Are You Serving a Calling or Feeding a Craving if you need some help)?
• Are you living the values you teach others every day?
• Do you know what image you display to others and does this image represent your highest values?

The two professional organizations feel compelled to outline terms of public engagement for their chapter leaders to ensure the integrity of their image is preserved. Whether or not it works for leaders to dictate this behavior in others, this is good practice for you on a personal level.

• What do’s and do not’s would you commit to in both your business and personal life?
• How will you hold yourself accountable?
• How will you deal with others who do not respect your boundaries?

In this age of Social Media where we are putting our thoughts out for the entire world to see, it’s even more important we are sure about how we want people to judge us (and they will) and what messages we present with our words as well as our deeds on all the social sites.

Every morning, before writing one word or choosing how to spend your time, ask yourself:

• Who am I being today?
• How will I present myself?
• What will make me most proud even when people disagree with or don’t like me?

Take a moment to share some of your do’s and do not’s here. Share your terms of engagement to help us all refine our lists. Who you are being will affect what you create and attract. Choose to act in integrity with your message instead of reacting to circumstances. This alignment is good for your soul.

Click here for the latest updates on Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction (June release).

St. Thomas Aquinas wrote:

I have a cause.

We need those, don’t we?

Otherwise the darkness and the cold gets in

and everything starts to

ache.

My soul has a purpose, it is

to love.

If I

do not fulfill

my heart’s vocation,

I suffer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What inside your heart is asking to be free? Freedom is scary and exhilarating. I dare you to live by your cause.

I hope not.

Instead consider, “What do I want to create next year?” You are full of gifts, capacity, intelligence, skills and love—you have everything you need to declare a new and exciting promise for yourself.

Peter Block, in his book Community: The Structure of Belonging, lists out a number of questions that can help you create a new context for seeing yourself and how you participate in the world. Here are a few questions to spark your mental circuitry:

• What is the “yes” you no longer mean? What do you want to say “yes” to instead?
• What is the gift you are holding in exile? What commitment to your gift are you willing to make?
• What is the positive feedback you receive that still surprises you? How can you share this gift more often?
• What could you do if you truly felt free?
• What are the new conversations you would like to create?

Now, picture next year based on what is possible for you. Please share it here if you are willing to make your declaration public.

There are many more mind-rattling questions in Peter’s book. I recommend the book both for personal transformation as well as for team and community development.

It’s time we change the conversations to be more generative than deficiency-based. Want to join me in this exploration?

Why Read It? Compromises are part of our everyday work lives, but what happens when we start compromising personal values and beliefs?

Author Elizabeth Doty interviewed employees at all levels to learn more about the consequences people face when they enter into devil’s bargains and find themselves trapped in situations they are unwilling to stay in but are also unwilling, for many reasons, to leave.

The book advocates a six-point process that includes connecting to your strength, seeing the whole playing field, defining a “worth-enough” win, forming allies, making positive plays, and keeping your own score.

Read an excerpt here and buy the book for 30% off directly from the publisher. While you are on the site, check out the other wonderful books that Berrett-Koehler publishes. They are committed to making a world that works for all.

I had left a workshop early to make sure I got through the Friday afternoon security line at the Washington Reagan National airport in time to catch my flight home. I had not been home for more than a day in three weeks. I was looking forward to spending the weekend quietly unpacking, answering my mail and lying around with Karl.

When I got to the gate, people were swarming around the agent. The flight was delayed. This meant anyone who had to make a connection, including me, might need to find another flight or spend the night somewhere other than home.

The closer I got to the desk, the louder the disgruntled passengers were screaming. The adrenalin surged through my blood. If I didn’t make my demands known, I might be stuck in Washington. I am a Platinum frequent flyer. They should be talking to me first. I maneuvered my way toward the front of the crowd. I ignored the complaints knowing I had the right to be pushy.

When I got to the desk, I heard the agent say, “I’m doing my best sir. We have the list. If we can find you a connection, we will.” I threw my ticket on the counter. The agent looked at me. I said, “It must be very difficult helping people when all they want to do is scream at you.” A wave of relief washed over his face as he smiled and then turned back to the irritated man in front of him. My body relaxed as well.

I left the desk and sat away from the crowd so I could read my book. I would either go home that night or first thing in the morning. In the big scheme of things, a few less hours at home didn’t matter. It mattered much less compared to the gift I could give the agent.

When I remembered how good it makes me feel when I help people cope with adversity, I knew what I had to say to the ticket agent. My words connected us both to a sense of peace that allowed us to go with the flow of what life was dishing out at that moment.

When you know that even your smile, a kind word or your willingness to listen is a part of your noble purpose, you will finally know what it feels like to be “in alignment” with yourself and the world around you. You can feel contentment in your restlessness. You can channel your passion so that it is constantly renewed and you won’t burn out. This is the life energy you need to sustain the journey.

When people thank you for your contribution, you might think you feel fulfilled when you are just pleased that they noticed how much you know and how hard you worked. Not only will your pleasure be fleeting but you will find out that people are fickle when it comes to saying thanks. You might get a standing ovation from one group for your speech and the next day, a few head nods from a different audience. Therefore, you shouldn’t use applause, praise and smiles to dictate your purpose. You need a consistent theme that serves to focus your energy regardless of other people’s opinions and actions.

Your sense of purpose comes from the joy you feel when you are doing something, not from the amount of gratitude other people feel when you are done. The process of helping someone else make the right career choices, of delivering a workshop, of helping your neighbor, or of teaching a child might feed your sense of fulfillment. The thanks you get for the end result is the icing on the cake that feeds your needs. However, even if you don’t care if people say thank you, it’s often difficult for you to stay centered when you receive a bad evaluation of your work.

Sometimes you will take a poor or lackluster review so personally that you feel betrayed and wish to end the relationship. If you let a less-than stellar evaluation steer you away from your life’s work, it may take years before you rediscover what ignites your passion. When instead, you passionately live with a strong sense of purpose, you can remember what is most important to you even when you are upset. Your purpose becomes your guiding light that keeps you moving forward on your Hero’s Journey.

Louisa May Alcott said, “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.” When you stand strongly in the light of your purpose, approval by others downgrades from a need to a “nice to have.”