I am on my way to Kazakhstan. I am excited about being able to report to you from there.

In the meantime, I think adding a bit of history in addition to geography might be just as interesting.

I want to share an experience from my last trip to Denmark. I had the chance to visit one of the most beautiful modern art museums in the world, the Louisiana. The building looks like an old plantation house sitting on beautiful grounds with fabulous sculptures like the attached picture. It is situated down the coast from Copenhagen facing the North Sea.

They had an exhibit on avant-garde female artists, designers and architects of the 1920s through the 1940s in Europe. Their courage to challenge both traditional art forms and life styles for women paralleled the women’s movement. Theirs were names I never heard of…Dora Maar (influenced by her lover, Picasso), Germaine Dulac (experimental film-maker and progressive writer on the social impact of films), Sonia Delaunay (a true “colorist” in both art and fashion design), Florence Henri (amazing photographer of women clothed and nude), Hannah Hoch (a driving force in the Dada movement), and Sophie Taueber-Arp (a courageous art activist).

Please look at the links I provided. They paint short stories or provide samples of the amazing work each of these women dedicated their lives to. They were committed to expressing themselves in a world that rarely listened to women. They exemplified the power, grace and potential of women. They believed in finding and sharing their authenticity and passion. I think you will be inspired getting to know these amazing women.

In the United States, we often think the women’s movement started here. Not true. Activism, and laws on equal rights, started in Western Europe and the UK before we raised the flag. We still lag behind Europe and other parts of the world in the numbers of women leaders both in business and government. Maybe it’s time we get curious about women in the world today and in the past.

I hope to stir your interest by sharing what I learn.

Please comment on the site if you have stories and insights to share, too.

There are many exercises available on how to 1) vision possible futures, 2) identify strengths and passion, and 3) determine what to do first on your journey. I have blogged on these topics and Google can suggest many sites with techniques you can try.

An off-beat idea is to study your regrets. We tend to want to forget our regrets. I’ve read lots of quotes telling me not to have regrets (which is humanly impossible) or that regrets are just lessons (maybe, but they are still regrets).

The more you experience life, the more you look back on decisions you made with the sense that if you only knew then what you know now, you would have chosen differently. There is great wisdom in hindsight.

Yet hindsight can give you great foresight if you study your regrets.

What are you sorry for that you did or did not do? The answer to this question can give you great insight on what could be missing in your life.

Of course, there is no purpose in beating yourself up, again, for the decisions you made in the past. You had a reason you believed in. What you can do is use the loss you still feel to help you focus on what you want to create this year and beyond.

Consider these questions:

1. What do I miss or wish I would have done? Can I factor these losses into my plans for this year?
2. Do I still feel guilty for not doing something I think I should have? Is there a way I can complete this situation this year so I can move on whole-heartedly?
3. What is still stopping me now from doing what I really want to do or getting what I want? What can I do to remove these obstacles?
4. Have I set the right standards for my own success? Maybe I’m not celebrating what I have today regardless of what I thought it should look like. And if I want more for myself, can I clearly paint that picture looking forward instead of backwards?

If you call up and clearly identify what you regret, you can use this information to help you focus on the future. Your regrets can help you make major life decisions.

What insights do your regrets give you?

He didn’t live to fit into the system. He lived to create what he thought was possible.

Quoting Stewart Brand, editor of the Whole Earth catalog, Jobs told the Stanford graduating class to “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.” How can you live by these wise words especially in times of economic problems and dark omens of the future?

For me, the most significant word is not hungry or foolish, but “stay.”

No person has accomplished great things without a passion for their work and strong beliefs that what they are doing is right and good for many.

And even with passion and conviction, there has to be endurance. I recently heard education expert Sir Ken Robinson say, “We live in a veil of beliefs and values.” If your life’s work is about lifting the veil so others can see the beauty of what else is possible, then you need to know how to persist even when it feels futile.

The Dalai Lama said, “To be born at all is a miracle. What will you do with your life?”

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

If money weren’t an issue, what change would you like to make? What movement would you like to create or add your voice to? What were you once passionate about but gave up hope?

Is there any reason that you would like to say, “Oh yeah, I’ll show you!” Great things have come out of the desire to prove others are wrong about us and our ideas.

Could it be that you haven’t stepped out or you gave up because what you tried didn’t seem to work?

Maybe it’s time to try again. Start small. Prove what you know is right with little experiments so you have inspiring data instead of just an idea.

Find people to work with that support your point of view. Stay away from people who tell you to play it safe.

Steve Jobs left a legacy that I believe is critical for women to live into. We must stay hungry and foolish to create a world where everyone can live up to their greatest potential. Will you join me in realizing this vision?

That is why I haven’t written in a while. And I probably will be barely above silent throughout the rest of the year until this monster project I am working on is complete.

That being said, I read a Harvard Business Review Tip of the Day last week that I had to share with you. It is called, Beware of the 3 Double-Edged Traits of High-Achievers. For those of you who are like me — you love what you accomplish but can get lost in the process — here are three potholes to watch out for on your journey (the quotes came from the tip posted on Sept. 19th):

• Disconnected. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Ask for help. Share what you are working on with others. “Collaborate or you’ll feel alone.”
• Craving positive feedback. Because you love the applause for your good work, you may obsess over criticism, even when it’s included with positive feedback. “Don’t let one constructive piece of input overshadow everything you hear.”
• Discontented. No matter how much you accomplish you have a nagging feeling that you could have done more. You may even over-edit your work just to make sure. “Set realistic goals and take satisfaction in achieving them.”

This tip was adapted from Managing Yourself: The Paradox of Excellence by Thomas J. DeLong and Sara DeLong.

You can sign up here to get the HBR Management Tip of the Day. I get both the Tip and the Daily Stat. In my crazy, busy day of trying to excel at everything I promised to do, I still find the few minutes I need to read these gems.

Even though I wasn’t attached to winning (I represented the older generation), once the ball touched my hands I felt the urge to show off what I knew about bowling. I was never an expert bowler, but I was a respectable league member in my twenties. Never mind that I had not bowled for thirty years. It’s like riding a bike, right?

My confidence quickly melted. I knocked down one pin in my first frame. Six in the next and then back down to two in the third frame. Halfway through the game, my score was a measly 21.

Nothing I did seem to work when I tried to adjust my throw. So I quit being frustrated, laughed at myself and decided to bowl backwards. I moved across the alley and threw the ball from the other side, opposite from where I was used to.

This time, I threw a spare. Then I had two strikes in a row. Then another spare. I ended the tenth frame with a spare as well. I cheered as I my final score of 115 showed up on the screen.

This was a great reminder to me that when I give up knowing, pushing and expecting, magic can happen.

When I quit knowing what to do and believing I know better how things get done than my family, friends and colleagues, I am free to explore and learn. I am free to see new possibilities. I am free to have fun.

What can you give up knowing today?

Life is much more fun and magical when you are curious to learn and experiment instead of already knowing what to do.

This was the announcement I heard as I walked through the airport. About every three minutes, I heard,

“Bend Over, you have a message waiting…”

I smiled each time. Everyone around me laughed and smiled as well.

Many people remarked that “some kids were having fun.”

Yet everyone thought it was funny.

I had just left a plane where I sat next to a young German girl, about ten years old, traveling alone from Frankfurt to Charlotte. She spoke no English. Yet my smiles reassured her. And when she laughed at the cartoons and animated movies during the flight, I couldn’t help but peek at her screen to see what was so funny. I wanted to laugh too.

Laughter is multi-cultural and never gets old. All people laugh at all ages. Even my mother who had lost her ability to speak as her Alzheimer’s advanced still smiled and laughed when I took her to feed the ducks.

Faith can connect and give people hope. So does laughter. I were to put faith and laughter side by side, I would say they are equally powerful. And laughter can be more contagious than faith to those who are resistant. It’s hard not to smile when someone around you is laughing. I believe they both work miracles.

Open your heart today by finding things to laugh at and sharing what you found with others.

And the next time you see the paging phone at the airport, have the guts to pick it up and send a message to Ima Joker.

As women, we are always told to stand up for our ideas and values. I continue to read articles that say women back down too often.

On the other hand, my female clients tell me their problem is picking their battles.

Their problem is knowing both:

1. How to stand up for themselves in a way that doesn’t make other people wrong (unless that is the intention).
2. When to not take a comment or action personally and let it go.

The first problem deals with the tone and reason for standing up for yourself. In working with the archetypes, one of my clients found she identified with the Warrior too often. Whenever someone suggested something that triggered her to react, she took out her sword and cut off their head with her words.

On further exploration, she found that when people didn’t agree with her well-researched work or they kept presenting a different perspective with no attention to hers, her brain interpreted their interpolation as disrespect for her intelligence and a devaluing of her experience.

First, we worked on her awareness—sensing the anger in her body before she opened her mouth. When she could catch this, she would then breathe and choose one word to focus on. In this case, it was the archetype she wanted to develop—the Collaborator.

With this new perspective, she asked more questions before she went on the attack. Then she could determine if there needed to be a comparison of perspectives she could then use to work toward a compromise OR if she needed to take a more direct approach. If she then surmised that her position was not being valued, she could choose to stand up for herself with a more direct message or question to determine why her position was not being taken seriously.

Second, working on her awareness also gave her room to determine if the comment that triggered her anger was worthy of her energy. Some annoying people are not really harmful. And sometimes one question can clarify the true intention of someone’s actions or words.

One of my clients was angry at her boss for not inviting her to a dinner that the rest of the team attended. When she asked about it, he gave her the name of the administrator who created the list. It was an oversight that had no personal meaning. Be careful of assuming the worst.

This leads me to the last tip—assume good intention. Even if you aren’t feeling compassionate, can you first assume good intent? This will open you to being more curious than reactive. From this perspective, you can best choose your battles.

What tips do you have for choosing when and how to stand up for yourself?

I decided to ease up on my social media schedule the past month, so please forgive my silence.

Additionally, I did not have Internet in my room, so I could only read email during breakfast and after dinner. When I finally settled into this routine, it felt so civilized.

Class didn’t start until 10:00 am, even when I taught on-site at a bank. So every morning I had the time and space to wake up after a nice sleep, get in an hour of exercise, watch the news while I dressed for the day, and then call Karl on Skype and answer my email while I ate a full, healthy breakfast. It felt so civilized.

The classes were so refreshing. Everyone was interested in learning. No one checked their email during class. We had great conversations at break and lunch. A few who spoke English connected with me on LinkedIn and Facebook so we could continue learning together in the future at leisure from home. Now that’s civilized.

When I released the need to get more done faster, the need to fill in my time with work and the need to stay on top of everything, I was more effective at what I chose to focus on. And I felt full of energy all day long. Shouldn’t that be our definition of higher civilization?

Working from 10 – 6, or even 9-7 if you include reading email is far more civilized than my normal 5am-hit-the-ground-running until I am too tired to read the computer screen.

It made me wonder if our civilization isn’t crumbling because we cannot enjoy the lives we work so hard to create. We are so buried under “have to’s” and  commitments it’s hard to get a perspective on what is truly important. We don’t see what we miss until it is in the rear view mirror.

One of my clients told me she is always shifting at least five priorities at a time. Shouldn’t the definition of “priority” mean there is only one thing on top? We choose that one thing until we have time for the next priority.

I’ve had a lot to do since I came home but I’m trying to maintain some sense of civility in my life. Hopefully, I’ll add more value to my coaching, writing and dreaming by being more present to each task.

How can you live a more civilized life today?

I just spent two days as emcee of an amazing workshop for authors. I co-chaired the event which means I have been working on it for a year. Then I was so wrapped up in making sure the experience was perfect that I forgot I was also a participant who was there to enjoy the day.

I remember thinking this after my wedding years ago. I wanted the event to be “just right.” this focus took me away from the moment and the joy of the experience. My memories are a blur and unemotional.

When you feel responsible for an event, whether its as big as a conference or as small as a gathering of friends, do you get so wrapped up in making sure it is perfect that you forget to be present? What do you do to find moments to enjoy what is going on?

At the women’s conference in Trinidad, I kept telling the organizer, Giselle, “Breathe and soak in the moment. Your work is already done.” She thanked me for the reminder.

So why didn’t I heed my own advice? After my event this past week, I loved that so many people told me what a wonderful time they had. I wish I could have felt the depth of that experience with them instead of standing on the side the entire time. I’m sure the little details would have worked themselves out regardless of my constant scrutiny.

Taking my own medicine, I should have practiced my famous “Outsmart Your Brain” formula:

1. Relax (you have to breathe and release the tension in your body if you want to release your mind)

2. Detach (let go of being the one who has to make everything “just right”)

3. Center (focus on your point of strength just below your navel)

4. Focus (choose the emotion you want to feel and let it flow through your body)

When I practice this formula and choose joy, gratitude or happiness to flow into my bones, I can’t help but be present to what is wonderful in the moment.

I hope you enjoy your day!

Giselle had a dream less than a year ago to create a gathering for women in Trinidad committed to exploring possibilities for their lives. She had never created an event before. She asked if she could use my writing along with her own to print articles in the Trinidad Express to help create a following of women who would then pay to see me speak at the event in a year.

Giselle created a vision and didn’t let anyone talk her out of it. In fact, she decided that she would ask the women to sign up for not just an event but an entire year of coaching and teletraining so the like-minded passionate and purpose-driven women would work together to create their futures. The event where I was to speak turned into a kickoff for the year-long program.

Last week, as I stood in front of 50 beautiful Trinidadian women, I asked the question, “What is keeping you small?” I felt Giselle’s presence behind me, a shining example of a woman who decided to play large and step into her dream with trust and passion. Not only did she fill the room, but she attracted sponsors to pay the expenses, including my travel and speaking fee plus those of one other incredible speaker, Karen Walrond (check out her chookooloonks website if you want to see a tribute to the beauty of life).

I was even interviewed on Trinidad TV along with Giselle, another example of her ability to ask for what she needed and strangers, now friends, said yes.

What seeds of dreams do you have just waiting to sprout? What is stopping you from bringing them to light? What is keeping you small?

Giselle offers a World of Possibilities for women. Check her out on Facebook when you need some inspiration. I am lucky to have her in my life.

And Giselle, since I know you will read this, I want to publicly thank you and Anastasia for the delightful two days in Tobago after the event. You definitely win the best host award. I learned to not only choose to be with those who dream big, but accept the gifts and surprises that come with the package.

I can’t wait to visit your beautiful country again and to have you visit mine.